Love, Still

Love, Still | Asmita

Photo by Sarika

She was not herself anymore. Or maybe her selfhood got buried under the "layers of time and life". She would not sit the whole day reminiscing about how she peaked ten years back. Not because she had a better way to deal with her mess but because she was done staring at her old journals and sobbing for a self that no longer existed. Or maybe it was just hidden.

She had a peculiar dream that day. It was not even a dream perhaps. She thought she was sleeping but she was just staring at the ceiling. She remembered Ernest Hemingway's quote, “I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?” But even sleeping could not promise her peace. She could only see herself struggling to make sense of what she had lost and what still remained. It wasn't merely a passing thought. It made her question herself, her values and what stood in front of her.

She could see herself as a lonely inhabitant of an eerie, haunting yet a beautiful cottage. It had a backyard, and there was a peaceful lake right there! She used to sit there everyday engrossed in her thoughts. She had a whole living world in her mind. It kept her occupied for hours and she sat in front of her lake.

One day, there was a sudden knocking on the fence of her backyard. There was the river. He was beautiful. He thrilled her and asked her if he could flow into her backyard. She was apprehensive initially, but the thrill of the river's arrival filled her with the courage to take chances and make a failed attempt at living. 

The river and the girl lived together for years. They became used to each other and adjusted to each other's world. It was love, otherwise why would a river ever flow in the girl's backyard? The girl stood for things that the river never knew or felt. And for the girl, it was an adventure. 

But rivers don't flow in backyards.And the river had to leave one day. They both knew but never confronted, as it would only lead to things neither of them wanted. The river tried to warn the girl, but she always told him that she would find a way to stay. Because, staying was love. She had read that somewhere in her old manuscripts.

The day came when the river grew. It grew exceptionally big and flooded the girl's entire house. She was dragged out by the gushing waves.She was hurt terribly and could barely walk. She looked at the violent river who only meant her harm. He was there, but he was not there. He had to go.

She remembered 'leave before love leaves'.

With that thought, she broke the fences of her backyard. The river bid her farewell. He held her hand one last time and rushed towards the ocean. The ocean was surprisingly right beyond her fences. The river asked her to keep the door to her backyard open, because he would always return to his home - the girl.